Friday, September 12, 2008

CELEBRITY GOSSIP FROM THE OULD SOD.

LATEST BREAKING WIND NEWS FROM DUBLIN,IRELAND.

theo walnut scores hattrick for england against croatia,croatian manager slobodon bilge says he wished washed out celeb and crap footballer and floppy handshaker,dave buckham had have played,croatia would have won 5-0.

scientists in geneva have recorded zero and total dark matter in the brains of irish government ministers following the beaming of protons at their heads,halfpint minister for junkets martin cullen came in first on the list of dickheads.


Nouveau CELTIC JACKAL irish multi-billionaire tax avoider Dinny O'Brien has reportedly purchased an "artwork" made from algerian elephant shite from piss artist damien hirst for 2 and a half euro.

roddy doyle,baldy scribbler of illiterate shite and known for cellulite on his baldy slaphead has been selected as a beano comic nominee for shite literature 2008.


amanda drunker,z list irish "celeb" has recorded 100 newtons of buoyancy for her big tits,according to overpaid shitty swiss scientisTS in geneva in swaziland.
miss drunker declined to comment,she was too busy trying to trace a sex video of herself having perky sex somewhere in a rain soaked skerries.does it ever stop raining in this shitty little country?that's ireland,we are talking about by the way.

sharon ni bodhran and bloated ni coffee are 2 of the greatest overpaid pain in the arses(who are they?)they make fortunes in rte,the state broadcaster conning people.
sharon has denied an affair with bloated.

Monday, September 1, 2008

GILBERT GILHOOLEY,IRELAND'S BIGGEST TERRORIST DRUG BOSS IS VERY HAPPY.

GILBERT GILHOOLEY,here,IRELAND's biggest DRUG BOSS.
Listen,things are going fantastic...just fan..tas..tico..we're operating on a scale of hundreds of millions of euro in heroin and other hard drugs,
we're coining it at the minute and sure the Irish Police are forced by the corrupt and incompetent irish government politicians to spend most of their resources on a few hippie and shinner crackpots down in mayo on
the sea to nowhere campaign to stop ireland getting our own natural gas...reduce EVERYBODY'S fuel bills,bring the gas onshore but no chance,sure it's fucking gas.
we just keep the head down,then the rest of the other Irish police have to keep massive amounts of personnel on the few feuding gangs while we
carry on happy as larry in the lucrative drug trade,sure we cant ship or sell enough of heroin,cocaine,crack cocaine and methamphetamine on the streets and in the houses of the land of saints and scholars.. the CELTIC JACKAL is truly up and running.
a few high ranking Irish politicians are good customers for the drugs so they keep the polis off our backs..it's fucking grand,so it is..CRIME PAYS,let me tell you, and fucking very well,
crime doesnt pay is for fucking believers in fairytales.
listen,i've received several hundred thousand emails from our readers recently from all over the globe to say i should be a philosopher...listen up,i AM a fucking philospher..
i combine wisdom from past philosophers such as that vietnamese bloke..what's his name?
CONFUCIUS..
and i was a student of that belgian waffler,jean paul sarte..so there you have it..
i am ireland's leading drug baron and one of its most renowned philatelists..
my lads,all our gang memebers in running the drugs are as happy as shit after beijing...didnt they all watch our boxers at the olympics..great stuff..
bating the shite out of one another and winning medals for it instead of my lads bating the shite out of one another or some other gang..
well done lads... one silver and 2 bronzes..our irish waster athletes are still running around the track in the birds nest stadium,here's dervla o'rourke coming to the finish line at last..
boxing is for the hood areas of ireland and while the boxers were beating the crap out of each other,my lads stayed calm and enjoyed themselves,sure hardened criminals need time off and relaxation too,what do you say?if you dont say yes,we'll be knocking on your door.

NOTE FROM GILBERT.
(the hood areas of ireland are clondalkin and tallaght and finglas,malahide,howth,mount merrion and kilbarrack and jobstown to name but a few.
the shacks in these hood/shanty areas are made mostly of breeze-blocks and corrugated iron,real dumps.
famous irish people who grew up in them include communist author roddy boil and ex disgraced prime minister,bert the squirt ahern and rte's ryan turbid.)
even the donnybrook rte dickheads were congratulating the boxing fans,half of them my lads...reporters and journos kissing their arses for an interview and quote on camera to try and justify their freeloading and sponging in
beijing and at home at the tv licence payers expense..sure sports correspondent "meatballs" murray was stuffing his gob at the olympic village no end with chow mein and chop suey.
dublin must be the easiest city to operate hard drugs in the entire world,you know what,i even feel sorry for the polis.
DUBLIN ,city of poets and dogshite..and comedians..and drug barons.
have a crap day,you'll buy more of my drugs.
fu man chu,get my slippers you bastard,i want to put me feet up and read about this bloke,hagel.

FOXROCK FANNY SPEAKS TO THE IRISH PEOPLE.

It's FOXROCK FANNY here,i must say as a beautiful lady,irish women are sinking to lower and lower levels of scruffiness and unkemptness today..it's unbelieveable darlink.
shitty t shirts and shitty denim jeans everywhere you go..town or country...
madam(that's me) is not happy...i saw glenda gilson,a very plain looking "MODEL" the other day in grafton street dressed in a revolting and cheap woolworths type
shell suit,
now..i know thousands of you will be onto me pointing out she is common and her people are vulgar but really...do any of our irish ladies wear a dress or silk drawers anymore?
every irish lady now wants to be a "celebrity" or "famous",or they are too fat like caroline morahan,a minor broadcaster with some tv station,caroline has an arse so extensive you could land a jumbo jet on it.
all we see in our gutter press is some atrociously dressed skinny slapper posing like a langer and giving the "thumbs up" sign to some dickhead wannabe paparrazzi photographer..it's quite disgusting..i
remember the good old days in ireland when ladies actually referred to their mushy peas at lunch in the shelbourne hotel as guacamole.
"Garcon,garcon,bring me the guacamole and quick."

our irish womenfolk today dress as brownly common and as tacky as leitrim muck,it's been all downhill since el presidente mary "chavez" robinson was in power.
our lady newscasters on the state broadcaster,RTE, dress like mad pelicans exploded in blenders..
tut tut..how common,i shall return to this topic once again next week.
adieu,FOXROCK FANNY.

Thursday, August 28, 2008

WORLD AND IRISH CELEBRITY Z-LISTERS AND DRAMA BUNNIES OF 2008.

Breaking wind from CELEBRITY CRAP MAGAZINE.

We have exclusive pics of MADONNA's sweaty buttocks on her current tour where the feminist freak and bulky weightlifter is playing
to empty audiences worldwide.
Later on we have an exclusive interview with ZACH GOLDSTEIN,exclusive colonic irrigationist to the arseholes of the stars.
zach loves himself and is an expert on cheap tans,cheap celebrities,cheap launches and cheap fish.
i'm just cheap,zach says proudly.
zach is considering becoming manager to ireland's international star,BRIAN PORMOND of rte infamy.
also appearing on the show tonight for "charity" are english slapper MICHELLE HEATON who is famous for her brass neck and
brass tits.
you havent heard of michelle?
neither has anyone else except a few columnists with no gossip to report.
ireland where cheap celebs kiss any arse that will get them a mention in a crap popular newspaper.
KATHRYN THOMAS we have heard through the grapevine has dyed her pubic hair dark again,"i've gone back to
my dark roots" KATHRYN gushes to our drunk uninterested reporter.
DAVID BUCKHAM famous chinese footballer and married to skeleton VICTORIA BUCKHAM has announced he will have
the carbon emissions from the crap he talks captured and stored in underground caverns in the kish basin in dublin bay.
david thinks dublin is in north britain and wants to wish all his fans the best,DAVID will be signing autographs
and showing his bare legs and cleavage at his latest comic signing in easons,the bookstore next tuesday.
tragic KATE MOSS will be there with david,MARIAH CAREY,ANGELINA AND BRAD SHITT,JORDAN and her trout pout,
SIMON COWELL,who has all the charm of a peeled bollacks will also attend in his limo.
also there will be numerous sychophants,pr people,camera people,tv producers and legendary reporters from
tv3's expose programme.
simon cowell will explain why he is a shit and makes people puke.
"celebrities" not worth a pot of lukewarn piss.

Friday, August 22, 2008

Prince Philip names 3 Irish Batmen for Queen's Trip to Ireland in 3019.

Prince Philip here,I would like to announce to the World that my wife,Queen Elizabeth the First and I have chosen the 3 Irish batmen
for Her Majesty's visit to Ireland next year.
They are Bodger McNulty,Widler O'Keefe and Knut Svensson.
As well as performing their lowly batmen duties such as the daily kissing od Her Higness's arse the 3 lads will search for drugs that criminals may try to sell to Her Majesty.
We note that another Irish horse,Lanternas has been caught using illegal substances at the Peking olympics.
We understand from my spies in the irish camp,pat hickey and the rest of the irish olympic committee people couldnt care less,they were fine wining and dining and too busy kissing communist arses at the "worker's palace" to be concerned.
We thought they would have learned from cian o'connor and the disgraced and tainted water polo "gold" medalist,Michelle "Pisspot" Smith after her debacle
at the Atlantis Games in 1886.
We must say we think the Irish should be given a Gold Medal for Drugs,they are far better at them than any other nation in the world.
NOTE TO EDITOR:I didnt get my bung money you tight Irish catholic bastard,send it soon or there will be trouble.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Prince Philip confides his exclusive and innermost thoughts to our website:comedyblogireland.blogspot.com

He's in the news again...my "son" Prince charles.
last night in buckingham palace,he invited his wealthy,happy clappy hippy friends over,their nocturnal "guitar" playing
and bongo drum playing from a number of chelsea tractors on the lawn
drove myself and the old lady bonkers.
earlier in the evening,we summoned charlie boy to a meeting in the henry the 8th room but
he informed us through his butler he was "busy talking to my plants".
where does he come up with this shite from?
now if ever the need for a genetically modified brain was necessary,charlo's your man.
when he becomes king of the home counties of southern england,it will be the end of the monarchy,i'm telling you.
as charles's hippy party staggered on into the wee small hours,my spy in his camp informed
me there was wild,unbridled rumpy pumpy going on everywhere.
it's not commonly known naturally but charles is a right goer,a real hanky panker as well as a peddle and cranker and was seen,yes,seen by my personal spy using an organic leek as a butt plug on camilla.
i've never heard the likes of it.
i shall keep the millions of readers of this website informed(the authors just need to bung me a few bob now and again but in euro
not pound sterling,please,that currency is gone to the dogs.)

Thursday, August 7, 2008

Prince Philip updates Irish People on Queen Elizabeth's Impending Visit to Ireland.

Prince Philip (Saxe Coburg Gotha),Duke of Glascow Rangers,here,smack my bitch up baby.
I am enjoying immensely my visit to Eastern Ireland,i have passed on my wife's,Her Majesty's,
Queen Elizabeth the 1st's insistence that the ALL irish Catholics must renounce
Pope Gregory the Great as Bishop of Rome and acknowledge her as Defender of the Faith for her visit to go ahead in 2009.
When she arrives in Rosslare next year on the Stena Line Fast Ferry,all Catholics must bow before her and avert their
pikey eyes from meeting hers.
I am enjoying my stay in the capital of Little Ireland,i visited 2 public houses,the Big Mickey on the bog of Allen
and Clancys of Bray in a place called Northern wicklow,where i met with several archdukes,viscounts,
lords,ladies and innumberable irish blueblood piss artists.
It never stops raining in this shitty little country but despite this,the innumerable and successful irish criminals
are happy with their lot.
Ah,here's my English coffee...must run,toodle oo..talk to you Irish peasants soon.
Smack my bitch up,baby,listening to a few sounds right now like Nodger and the Nappies and Westlife.